Pickup Lines
by BookwormByNight
Summary: "What do I do? It's not like I can go up to her and ask to court her!" Draco began to panic, realising that he, being pure death eater spawn, could not date a gryffindor muggleborn. "Oh, easy," Blaise replied offhandedly, "flirt with her. Use pickup lines and the like." Dramione oneshot!


**A/N: I got this idea randomly, so I just had to post it. Everyone who is expecting me to update the other two stories… sorry..**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter**

 **XXX**

Blaise would later swear that the day Draco Malfoy discovered pickup lines was the day Hell took over.

It had been an ordinary day of fourth year, with the two boys hanging out in the Slytherin common room. Draco had been talking about Granger, as per usual, and Blaise had been attempting to drown him out, as per usual.

Honestly, Draco hadn't shut up about that muggle-born girl since she had slapped him in the face. It was rather annoying actually.

"-and her eyes shine with a fire, which is so annoying when she beats me at stuff, but so endearing. And she's so smart, Potty and Weasel would never have survived all the stupid stuff they pull all the time without her-" Draco continued to ramble on, until Blaise interrupted him.

"If you like her all that much, why don't you try to date her? Mate, you sound like a sap! Just get on with it," Blaise said in a very annoyed tone. His words caused his friend to turn a very interesting shade of red.

"A-as if! I don't like the bushy beaver mudblood!" Draco tried to fight back, "She's too stuck up, and her hair is too poofy, which is actually showing her wild personality, she's so brave and smart and confident-"

Blaise grabbed the closest silver throw pillow and whacked the blonde around the head with it to make him shut up. "You're doing it again. Blimey, she's really got you good."

Draco furrowed his brows and thought over it for a minute. Then he went very pale. "I think I like Granger."

The italian half-blood rolled his eyes. "Really? No!" he said, his words dripping with sarcasm, earning a hit on the shoulder from his pure-blooded companion.

"What do I do? It's not like I can go up to her and ask to court her!" Draco began to panic, realising that he, being pure death eater spawn, could not date a gryffindor muggleborn.

"Oh, easy," Blaise replied offhandedly, "flirt with her. Use pickup lines and the like."

"What are pickup lines?"

Of course Draco wouldn't know the muggle flirting technique. _He_ only knew about it because his mother, being the charmer that she is, used pickup lines all the time. "It's a muggle thing. Granger might like having a taste of home."

"And how do you use them?" Draco asked cautiously.

"Oh, just come up with a thing and say it. Watch-" Blaise stood up and tapped the closest girl. She turned around with a scowl.

"What- oh.." she recognized him, "Hi, how can I help you?"

"Hi, Sweetheart. I have a question," Slytherin's top womanizer replied with a wink.

The girl swooned and giggled for a minute, "What is it?"

"Oh, nothing. I was just wondering if you're a snitch?"

Her eyes widen in fear, "I-"

"- because you're the finest catch in here!"

The girl got caught off guard and swooned again once the words sank in. "Thank you so much, Blaisey!"

With that, Blaise smirked, turned around, and walked back to where Draco was sitting on the velvet green couch.

"Who was she, Mate?"

Blaise smirked a bit more. "Dunno. Anyways, that's how you pickup line a chick."

The albino slytherin stared off into space, very deep in thought. After a minute, he snapped his head over to his friend with the most serious look on his face. "Do you think it would work on Granger?"

"That's the idea, isn't it?" Blaise replied in an exasperated tone.

 **XXX**

"Oy! Granger!" a certain pureblood shouted to the Gryffindor table after a long night of perfecting his pickup lines and flirting techniques with Blaise, a smug grin attached to his pointed face.

The brunette slowly turned around, as if preparing herself for the worst. She probably was, Draco hadn't been the nicest to her before he figured out that he was enamored. "What do you want this time, Malfoy?"

"Are you a dementor? Because you _took my breath away_!"

The half-blooded fourth year had to applaud Draco's efforts, that was a pretty good one, in his opinion. Unfortunately, effort was to no avail.

"Did you just try to use a pickup line on me?" Granger said incredulously, "What are you playing at this time?"

As saddening as the pickup line being rejected like that was, in retrospect it was absolutely worth it to see Weasley's face turn from red to green so fast.

"Leave Hermione alone, Ferret!" the green-faced redhead spat, and with that the trio got up from the table and left.

Draco turned to Blaise with a discouraged face, but Blaise just told him to take it in stride and try again until it worked.

Phrasing it like that wasn't the best idea, though.

 **XXX**

That love-driven idiot friend of his took his words very seriously. _Too_ seriously. Day and night, Draco would be coming up with and writing down pickup lines to try on the muggle born witch, only to be scoffed at, shot down, and suspiciously regarded.

None of that stopped the blonde, though.

"Ok, ok, Blaise. How about; is your name Felix Felicis? Because you're about to get lucky!"

"Blaise, listen to this one; if you played quidditch you'd be a keeper!"

"Oy! Zabini! What about 'When I look into the mirror of Erised I see you as my wife!'"

Dear merlin, if Granger didn't kill him, Blaise would.

There wasn't time for that, though. Transfiguration homework was difficult, and unfortunately Draco was the one that was good at it. Blaise decided to check the library for his love-struck idiot.

"You're so charming that you could teach Flitwick's class," Blaise heard Draco from around the shelf. Strangely, he decided not to go gather the pureblooded slytherin, and instead just listened.

"Honestly, Malfoy, I don't know what you're trying to do. I won't fall for any acts, you know. Now leave me alone."

"I'm not trying to do anything to you!"

"I don't believe you."

"Okay, maybe I was lying. I do want to accomplish something."

"I knew it! Now, whatever evil scheme you want to complete, quit it and leave me alone!"

"It's not evil! Please, just listen to me!" Draco finally begged in the most desperate tone Blaise had ever heard him use, contrary to the heated tones the opposing students had been using at each-other, "Please just listen."

Blaise could hear Granger's eyebrows raise. "Alright, what? What is it that you are trying to accomplish? What do you want me so desperately to hear?"

"I love you, Hermione Granger."

That corner of the library became so silent that they could have heard pin drop, and then… sobs?

"Why are you- are you so mean to me, then?! I thought I was just a stupid little mudblood to you?!" Granger shrieked, and Madam Pince decided this was the last straw. The brunette and the blonde were asked to leave, Blaise trailing behind like a silent ghost.

"Grange- Hermione," Draco said finally, "I'm _so_ sorry. For everything."

The sobbing continued, and Blaise finally dared to peek around the suit of armor he had hidden behind. They were _hugging_. His best friend and the know-it-all mudblood were _hugging_.

The sobs finally slowed, and then Blaise heard Granger whisper four words that may have ended his entire existence; " _I love you too_."

"-and that's how these happy newlyweds got together! True, they may have kept their relationship secret for a long time, but in the end love wins!" Blaise finishes his speech and sits down.

"And pickup lines! They win too!" Po- Harry pipes up, making everyone laugh.

 **XXX**

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed! This has got to be the longest chapter I have ever written, even as a oneshot. Please review, favorite, check out my other fanfics, all that good stuff!**


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